A few years ago, I was talking with the girl I was dating. We were having the Fantasy Talk. You know, the talk about the fantasies you’ve always wanted to fulfill.
Some guys have the Catholic schoolgirl fantasy, or the cheerleader fantasy, or the Princess Leia/Jabba the Hut fantasy. I don’t know what the stereotypical girl fantasy is. The pizza guy, maybe?
Anyway, I had just asked her what her biggest fantasy was when she responded, “I want a threesome…”
I believe the technical term for that is “winning the lottery.”
“…with another guy,” she finished.
Okay, my enthusiasm was slightly dampened by that last part. Actually, that’s not entirely true. At first, I was a little taken aback, but the more I thought about it, the less it bothered me.
My first realization was that I was enforcing a ginormous double standard. If I was ready to expect her to be with me and another woman, isn’t it unfair for me to be unwilling to be with her and another guy? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
Of course, there’s more to it than just a double-standard. Isn’t there always?
What it really boils down to is selfishness.
I had fallen into the same trap that men and women (more often, men) have fallen into since the beginning of time. We’re interested in what we want, and not what our partner wants. If we happen to find someone who “just wants us to be happy” or is turned on by the same things we are, then it’s all good. Otherwise, it’s time to trade in for a new model.
I think that’s a systemic problem in our society, though. We seek out situations and environments that conform to our existing way of thinking, then think ourselves worldly because of the quantity of our experiences.
Well, if all of your experiences are exactly the same, you’re not really getting much experience, are you?
Whether it’s in the bedroom or out, the way we grow as people is to look outside ourselves at the true world around us and open ourselves and our minds to new experiences. That means that, sometimes, you have to be willing to do things because they’ll make someone else happy.
Just because they’ll make someone else happy.
If you’re looking for a practical reason to do so, think on this. If you’re not willing to do for someone else, you shouldn’t really expect them to do for you. And what fun is that? Besides, If you’re not willing to do it, someone else will.
We never did find that third wheel, and I don’t know whether she has ever found another willing partner, but I hope she has. The important thing is that she shared with me and I was willing to do it because it would have made her happy.
So whether you’re into sexy lingerie, Vac-U-Locks, or anything in between, it’s not about finding someone who’s into the same thing. It’s about finding someone who cares enough about you to put their needs on the back shelf for a little while so they can help you meet yours.
Life is a long journey and there is more than enough time for everyone to help others and still get what they want.
Besides, you just might be surprised at what you discover.