Welcome back to my life: My deal with you

Wow, has it gotten dusty in here!

When I stopped writing The Metro Perspective eight or so years ago, it was because I was starting to get serious about my academic career and wanted to focus more exclusively on that.

Psht, “academic career.” There’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one.

Anyway, I had decided to focus more on my academic career and serious scholars don’t write relationship blogs. Serious scholars write journal articles with colons in their titles. Catch my latest work: “I Hate Colons: Neo-Marxism and Emotional Capital in the Post-Colonial Dating Marketplace.”

(Semicolons are another matter entirely, by the way; so please keep writing. The world needs to hear your story. ❤ )

One day, though, I woke up and realized I had more to say and I wanted to share it with people. I didn’t just have more to say to you, by the way, but I had more to say to me, too. You see, in writing this blog, I was able to delve deep into my own thoughts and feelings and it helped me to process what I was going through. The Metro Perspective was as much a journey for me as it was for my readers and I learned as much writing it as you did reading it, so it really helped me to process.

Boy, have I had a lot to process these past two years.

When I stopped writing The Metro Perspective, I was a very positive and upbeat person. I was strong and resilient and I knew that I could overcome anything. Lose a job? Psht! I’d find another one and be even better at it. Change careers? Meh, it was never too late to start from scratch. Rough break-up? Puh-lease! I’d just go out and meet someone new. There was nothing life could throw at me that I could handle and come out stronger from on the back end.

The problem is that I spent so much time convinced that I could survive losing anyone that I didn’t think enough about holding on to the people I already had. I didn’t take enough time to appreciate the beauty in every relationship I had and I didn’t truly appreciate what I had when I had finally found It.

When I decided to begin writing TMP again, I was a changed man. I am a changed man. I believe I’ve had my last great chance at happiness and I blew it. I opened Pandora’s Box, seen what’s inside, and can never unknow what I learned. As a result, I expect TMP will not always be the positive, optimistic place it used to be because I’m not the same positive, optimistic person I used to be.

I’ve lived, I’ve learned, I’ve loved, and I’ve lost. I’ve felt the complete peace and fulfillment of that once-in-a-lifetime connection that was everything I ever wanted and I’ve felt the unendurable agony of losing it. I’ve felt the exhilaration of hope and promise and I’ve felt the indescribable pain of complete and utter betrayal. In short, I’ve been through what each and every one of you has been through.

Through it all, though, I’ve seen. I’ve seen the way people act when life is going well and I’ve seen the way they act when it’s not. I’ve seen the way people act when they know the world is watching and I’ve seen the way they act when they think nobody is. I’ve seen the purely unselfish acts of a true altruist and I’ve seen where altruism ends and self-preservation takes over in the rest of us. I’ve seen the true me and I’ve seen the true you and now I am going to share it with the world.

So here is the deal I am going to make with you, right here, right now. While I love the love and support I have always gotten from my readers, I don’t want it anymore. I mean, I definitely want you to read and share this blog with everyone you know. I hope you get a lot out of reading this, but I don’t want positive messages or assurances that everything will work out in the end because I just don’t believe it anymore. It’s a losing battle and I simply lack the strength to fight anymore. If you accept me for who I am, though, even when that is difficult to accept, I will begin the long and arduous task of dismantling the walls that I have utilized to keep me safe for so long and let you see the real me.

I will make confessions on here that I have never told anyone, I will give you unfettered access to my thoughts and feelings, and I will try to give you every piece of wisdom I have to offer. Sometimes it will be fun and sometimes it will be dark, but it will always be me.

I’ll endeavor to post a new mutual journey of discovery every Sunday and I will (until I run out) post old TMPs on Wednesdays to remind you of the good ol’ days. I mean, it’s not like I was writing out my ass back then, it’s just that my perspective has changed. It’s still *ahem* The Metro Perspective (smooth, right?), though, so the old stuff is still good stuff.

Note: Now that I am no longer in print nor beholden to an editor, I can write whatever the hell I want (like saying “ass” in the last sentence). And I will. So be warned. The language in this blog may rise above PG-level at times. But it’s gonna be nice so to swear!

For now, though, I’ve got some housekeeping to finish. It’s a mess in here and I really need to find my old Swiffer Wet Jet so I can start cleaning up and maybe find the surface of my desk. But please stick around and share this with your friends so more of us can try to figure out what this shit-show we call life is all about.

Oh, and hey, thanks for stopping by.

I’ve missed ya!

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